Parent / Child Interviews
Communication is a key component in nurturing a good relationship
between parents and their children. I recently learned a technique
which I've been using with my own children for the past several months
and have been excited about the results! The idea is for one of the
parents to have regular "interviews" with their children one on one.
These can be with either Mom or Dad, or both.
The interviews can be formal or informal. You can simply sit together
for a conversation at your home, or you can go out for a bite to eat and
talk during your meal. During these interviews, children can discuss
with their Mom or Dad any problems they may be going through, and also
focus on goals they would like to accomplish. In these interviews, the
child learns that the purpose for the interview is not to be preached
at, but rather to encourage an open and candid conversation to see what
is going through their minds and to help lead them to make good
choices.
I hold my interviews once a month, and I have the child come into my
bedroom while I take record of everything they say. When they come in
the next month, I read back to them their previous goals and we talk
about how they have done in accomplishing them.
For example, my son is working on goals for his scouting program. Here
is an example conversation during one of our interviews:
Dad: How are you getting along with your brothers and sisters?
Son: Good.
Dad: Is there anything that you feel like you need to talk to me about?
Son: Well, I've been doing a lot of work for mom lately. I told her I
was going to help cook every day now.
Dad: WOW! That's great! I am so glad that you are willing to help out
around the house. We sure need your help. Have you decided yet what
you want to do for your summer project?
Son: Nope. I can't think. I don't know what I should do.
Dad: Well, how about we make that decision now. I'm going to give you
some options, you decide which you like best.
1. plant a little garden of vegetables and flowers and you take
care of it the whole summer.
2. make a quilt and learn how to sew on a button
3. learn how to cook by cooking dinner one night a week.
What do you think about those options?
Son: I think I'll do the garden.
Dad: That sounds like a good choice. How about we go shopping this
week and get some seeds, plants, and flowers. You decide where you want
them. Make sure we have the front sprinklers fixed before you plant
them otherwise they will die. You are in charge of the whole thing!
Can you do it?
Son: Dad, Is it OK if I plant them out front?
Dad: Absolutely. What's your schedule like this week?
Son: Thursday would be a good day cause I have scouts on Wednesdays,
swimming lessons on Tuesdays and piano lessons on Mondays.
Dad: Thursday it is then!
Sometimes, you may have a child that doesn't want to be interviewed.
Either they may find it a waste of time, or they are just not interested
in what you have to say. Your job as a parent is to create an
environment of communication that will attract your child to this
special bonding time. One example I share from personal experience.
My six year old son did not want to come in and do an interview with
me. I know that my son loves treats. I told him to come because there
was a surprise that awaited him. When he came in, the first thing he
saw was the bag of goodies. I explained to him that it was "interview
candy," and that whenever you have an interview, we snack on the candy
while we talk.
That day we started the interview with a story and snacked on interview
candy. At the end of the story we talked a little about goals and then
I excused him. Interestingly enough, his comments as he left the room
were, "That was a good interview today Dad! I like interviews!" He's
never complained about interviews since. Now he looks forward to them
and always wants to be first!
For teenagers, food can be a great motivator. Maybe lunch or dinner out
with mom or dad would be a great start. It doesn't matter where you
have your interview, but try to be consistent about having them each
month. Good luck!
Rick Jensen, MA
To learn more about family interviews, visit
http://www.FirstRateFamily.com